NOTE: the outburst this noon was due to an accumulation of disappointment, frustation, and a heavy dosage of pms.
yesterday was a horrid, horrid day:
i had decided to join her to club since she'd asked me to and since it was gonna be free. i rushed home from work due to fears of being late in meetin jenn. i even skipped the dinner that my mom had cooked for me. on my way to the meeting venue, i took the wrong train. so i was still late in the end, despite the effort.
after reaching zouk, we realised that we had to give it a miss because free entry was only till 1Opm (We had reached at 945pm) and the crowd was so massive that by the time we were near the entrance free entry was over. Analysing the situation, we decided we had to give it a miss. Both Jenn and I are really broke and were really just out for some cheap fun. Anyways since I was dressed up to party I proposed that we head to MOS, if I could get Delvin to sign us in for free. He said yes. But Jenn was more keen on meeting her secondary school friends than doin anythin with me so Jorie was roped in to club with me, since she was also on the way to Clarke Quay to look for her beau.
when we reached mos, (after sharing a cab with Jenn who was on her way to Cine) me and Jorie met up with Delvin and he proceeded to sign us in thru the VIP queue. we got in in a jiffy, but then soon after, we realised that we had to pay cover charges. Delvin had not checked details and it resulted in our wasted trip. I couldn't flare up since i was the one askin for a favour. Jorie thus set off to look for her beau, while I dejectedly went about on my way home.
i called and texted a couple of ppl outta desperation, but luck was just not on my side. No one was free to console me at all. Alright, that might be an overstatement. Anyways, my trip was saved byMaddie who stayed on the phone with me, keepin me company on my way home.I LOVE YOU GIRL.
on my way home i had to grab some dinner since i had none for the day. so i packed my favourite shaker fries and mc spicy back home. when it was time to eat after i got home, TREFOR buzzed me askin to meet up. Due to some circumstances he was kinda stranded. And thus he came over to my place to chill. I was very entertained and very spooked as well cos we talked a lil about ghosts. Well, it was thanks to this stranded handsome buddy of mine that made my night not end that badly i guess. i must say i'm grateful that he was stranded man. haha
my folks are too much
as my parents i expected them to be pretty aware that they are not the only ones affected by the financial situation. and while they were still always able to make sure that they were eating and doin whatever that they want, they seem to have never spared a thought for me. all my things are breaking up (either due to accidents/badluck), i really expected them to know how to deal with me- THEIR DAUGHTER. I am yours: you should know how emotionally vulnerable your daughter is and you should also know that she can't deal with fucken unkept promises. I HATE IT. I FUCKING HATE IT. AND I WILL NOT TOLERATE WITH SUCH SHIT. I could not suppress all this resentment when the following happened:
I asked my dad about my laptop that he'dpromised (my sis was supposed to give me hers cos she'd be sharing a pc and another laptop with her fiance) HIM, & my MOM, told me that my sis' laptop was goin to my MOM. meaning the laptop will belong to her, and i will have to share it with her. THAT IS SIMPLY RIDICULOUS not because i have to share, it's because i knew from the moment they said that, i knew they were doin it to try and RESTRICT my laptop usage. They laughed as they spoke, because it was a joke to them I guess, as they thought i'd be slightly upset about that.
But what they didn't expect was for me to slam the chair into the wall behind me, leave the table abruptly and proceed to my bathroom. i slammed my bedroom door and pretty soon i was tearing uncontrollably, cursing and refusing to believe about the things that have been happening to me. soon silent crying turned to wailing, as pathetic as it sounds. i had enough tolerating with everything. EVERYTHING i have is broken, (including my favourite bag, and the loss of my favourite earrings) including numerous friendships that i've given up on mending, and now my parents are fucken MOCKING ME? Restricting my laptop usage is because they think that the internet usage keeps me up and makes me deprive myself of sleep. which is true to a certain extent, so after i simmered down, i was pretty apologetic about havin reacted so aggressively. (but of course i didn't show it) I really have to change this very spoilt personality of mine, this aggression towards suppression of freedom. No matter what they are my parents, afterall.
however the main thing that still pisses me off is that my dad did not keep his promise. and i've had a rough time dealin with friends around me who've told me how much they treasure my friendship but don't seem to be acting that way? I'm tired of people not meaning whatever they say. It's been clear from the start that I hate fakers. And then there are friends who make it so clear to me through their actions that I'm not as important as compared to their other friends. i seriously don't need to shown that, thank you. especially not when i consider them as friends that i really love. SUBTLETY, understand, you dorks?
