So I've fallen out with a close friend.

Too many occasions that I've been hurt, and it's always because of her insensitivity.
I won't bother about the other 2, they're not close to me anyway.
Not gonna tolerate shit anymore.

The last thing I can stand is people not responding quick enough to their mobiles.
(when theres a need for immediate response, that is.
I wouldn't care if it's for non-important msgs.)

once or twice, of course thats fine.
But it's happened alotta times, always when I'm not around them.
What's the point of a MOBILE PHONE
if you don't pick up calls and reply smses?
And when she finally got back to me, (after 3 or 4 hours)
she didn't even APOLOGISE for her late reply.
she proceeds to LECTURE me on how I shouldn't get angry
over the NON-RESPONSIVENESS,

saying that she was "very busy with food prep" and
"her phone was running on low batt for 4 hours"

upon sharing with some friends what the matter was, they had similar responses to mine:

• "Her not being responsive probably means your presence isn't that important anyway.."
• "No battery? Why always no battery? Charge it properly then?
  If it always runs low then get a new battery? What's the point of havin a mobile phone
  if you can't use it much. Stupid excuse. And the least she can do is be apologetic about it."
• "If they can respond to their LOVERS in a jiffy, why can't they do the same for you?
  It's infuriating indeed." (I can attest to this, I've always seen how attentive she is to her phone when I'm around her, so it's obvious why I'm pissed off
  with her non-responsiveness)

And to add to the above, she's in trouble lately, so because I genuinely care for her as a friend,
I 've been expressing concern in any way possible
because I've had enough of friends and suicides. (Sorry to bring it up)
I saw the potential of her doing that, so I didn't want to leave her alone and did all I could
to make sure that I wouldn't have another friend telling me that she wanted to die.
Instead of appreciating my concern, she lashed out back at me, in which I tolerated.

Not anymore.

She's one of the few friends that I really loved and cared for,
I've done everything I can for her, things that can't be bought
cos I don't have the monetary means.

I always tolerate with a lot of things. But I guess it's just never enough?
I am a very particular person,
but for dear ones I shut one eye to most of the things that I deem are shit.
However, I really cannot put up with bad attitudes,
and I don't see why she should have that royalty anymore
since she acts like she doesn't care.

I've been very nice.
But since she thinks that I'm shit, then I'll just walk away from her.
And as to what I know, I don't think she'd bother salvaging our friendship
because

1. She thinks that she deserves nothing good in her life as in always down on the luck so the loss of me as a friend would probably be just another form BADLUCK to her.
2. She already has a bestfriend whom she worships in every way.
3. I just don't think so because I don't think she loves me enough.

So, there.
Thanks for everything else that was great - havin fun and all
But I think I can only love the ones who truly care for me when I'm down
I'm definitely not just about having fun!
Since I'm such a particular person, I do not want to further prolong such misery -
having to put up with such unnecessary disappointment, feeling unappreciated,
feeling outofplace etc.
It's really too tiring.
I'm sure I'm doing you a great service with my departure from your life!


Anyway, (knowing myself that I can be quite difficult to live with)
Thanks to the very few remaining friends that truly care about me.
Despite the distances, I can still feel the love.
I love you girls/guys, you know who you are.





Sorry for this really negative nonsense entry, pals.
The ones reading probably already know about it.
I just needed an outlet again for all the frustations.


4:19 PM ____________________________________________________________________

I'm Ling
- and I'm gone
again.