• departures
• fucking broke and ure living off ure parents and they are not giving you enough money
• company delays ur pay 2 months
• u have a fucking shoulderache which refuses to go away that threatens your fucking perfomance at the fucking tennis tournament that you were so excited about signing up
• u have no money to the extent you can't travel anywhere, you're living off everybody else, your fucking training destination is like fucking far and when you say you dont have money to travel people don't BELIEVE YOU.
• you've not been sleeping well because of the funeral either helping out at the wake or trying to cope with your emotional sufferering with everything that's gone wrong and then you decide to care for your health because your parents are anal about the fact that you've not been doing that so you decide to be irresponsible and do something that you really dont want to do and want to withdraw from the tournament since you figured you aren't able to go for most trainings.
• you can't have anybody's understanding.

you know what? i want to say i wished i never agreed to sign up for the tournament.
but knowing that im gonna be able to play competitively i thought YAY finally there's something right goin on in my life.

oh but shit has to happen.
no its only normal, life is full of shit.

oh and you know what? if you happen to read and you think that i was cursing at you,
dont take it that way.
its just about my fucked up life really.

i try to be less fucked up for myself,
thinking that i give myself a break and all.
but then giving myself a break means fucking up other people's lives.
oh really?!



im amazed at myself, really.
blogging just kept my emotions in check.