i just feel like crying this sucks.
im blogging here because its where you can see.
i dont know why i got myself involved in all these.
theres no ever after i know.
but then i can try and prevent myself from gettin hurt
but why do i get into this when i know theres not goin to be a happy outcome?
remember when i was with joel i was always dreading the enlistment date?
why was that? because i sorta knew that would probably spell the end.
thats what i felt at least.
well it really ended didnt it!
i can see it.
i can see it.
i can see me crying myself to sleep
whenever i miss you too much for me to take it.
i can see it. and long distance relationships dont last
i only see one miracle and thats yuney but then
i dont have that much confidence in myself.
i think too much and i fall easily
im not saying my love wouldn't be strong for you
but then im sure you know its gonna be really difficult.
the pain's gonna me kill me slowly..
like how its already slowly killin me now.
the painful truth is drilled into my brain slowly
as every minute and second passes by
most people would be very happy when they get something they like.
like they'd rejoice and blah.
im a weird person. when i get something that i really want,
i cry.
fear of losing it.
it overwhelms me.
you can call me crazy but this is the way i am.
yes i love myself im goin to change this.
because everything's out there to be lost.
i can't be like that all the time.
nothing is forever.
i'm not dumb.
"
I'm just really afraid of what the future will hold for me. Crap i feel like crying already. Wivi told me recently that maybe i should get a gf because i no longer had to choose between spending time my best friends or my gf. But then again i might be going overseas myself and whats the point of getting into a relationship that will only last for so long? I couldn't bear the hurt or the hurt that i'd bring. I'm just going to be alone, i can see it"
that was on valentines day-
but youre not alone now. youre with me.
you said you couldn't bear the hurt or the hurt you'd bring.
so youre together with me now you dont care about the hurt you'd bring me?
or am i not that great to bring you any hurt?
i have this thinking.
if you love me you wouldn't leave because you wouldn't bear to.but then if i love you i have to set you
free.
and only if you return,
i'd know that you're
mine.
I LOVE YOU HANX.
2:49 AM
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