karen's friend commented on the photos of me & babylove.
she also said that she discovered that he doesnt smile in almost
all the pictures taken with me.
it is almost always true.
that is almost always the case.
and with the batch or his other friends or his cousins or family,
he always smiles really happily.
karen lectured me today again.
what she said really hurt.
its not like shes wrong.
afterall, i tell her all the shit that happens between me & joel.
i only complain to her abt the shit,
i leave the good stuff out. i mean, its just damn weird
to share all the mushy stuf sometimes.
im scared that she may perceive me as a showoff.
but well anw i believe it is natural for my close friend
to be concerned for me and react badly when she knows that
im being 'shortchanged' in my love relationship.
i am thankful to have her as my friend.
but anw i was still deeply hurt by the comments.
i had gotten over what happened last weekend.
i wasnt angry anymore, and me planning to shop on Tuesday
was to get my mind off all the negative stuf.
it was meant to be retail therapy.
but after thinking about what karen said,
no amount of retail therapy worked.
i ended up getting a pair of barcode sandals,
and an express mani+pedi cure and set off home in low spirits.
and i just realise that im not very happy with my nail color.
they are metallic pale pinks.
i think i will remove them in 2 days.
i talked to babylove just now.
i just had to pour out my feelings.
it is stupid to say this, but
why i am holding on to the relationship = 7O% lust + 3O% love.
my feelings for you = 5O% love + 5O% hate.
why hes holding on to the relationship = 5O% lust + 5O% love.
his feelings for me = 5O% love + 5O% hate.it is complicating. perhaps no one else
would be able to understand these equations but us.
i doubt the accuracy of joel's equations tho.
it was stupid but i had to ask him.
i am afterall just a lovefool.
i wanted it to be payback day today.
i really wanted it to be.
i wanted to spend ALL your money.
but i didnt.
i am a great girlfriend, albeit overpossesive.
12:18 AM
____________________________________________________________________
